Seeing You
by Florence2410UK
Summary: We all know the story. Jean Luc Picard falls in love with his best friend's wife & then lives with guilt for years after Jack is tragically killed in an accident. In this story I offer what I imagine might have happened both before & after Jack's death. The story follows basic canon and revisits a few TNG episodes. Chapter 7 has been re-worked a bit. Enjoy & review.
1. Chapter 1

It was a difficult situation but one that was unavoidable. Jean Luc Picard was headed back to Earth briefly and The Stargazer was continuing on without him for a few weeks. Jack Crusher, his friend and first officer, had asked him to call in on his wife as a personal favour and of course he would have to make the time. It wasn't that he didn't want to see Beverly, it was just complicated.

Jean Luc had known for some time that he had fallen in love with Beverly Crusher. At first he had thought that it was simple infatuation, but as the months had passed he had realised that it was something more. He had thought that distance would have helped the attraction diminish but in fact his feelings for her had deepened over time, and he knew that it was wrong. He had tried to push the feelings aside, he had thrown himself into his work and whenever Jack had spoken of Beverly he had tried to steer the subject onto safer topics, all to no avail. Now here he was entrusted with a mission from his best friend to visit his wife and he couldn't see any way of avoiding it without raising Jack's suspicions or hurting Beverly.

For the first few days he was kept busy with meetings and various seminars but finally he managed to make contact with her. She was pleased to hear from him, she relished any news of Jack and any opportunity to see their friend.

"Come over for dinner tonight" she had said and he had agreed.

Now here he was, approaching the little complex of houses close to Starfleet Medical, carrying a bottle of wine and wondering how he was ever going to spend an evening alone in her company without giving himself away.

The door opened and there she was smiling and inviting him in. She took the wine from him and proceeded to look for a corkscrew and glasses. They slipped into easy conversation and as she continued to prepare dinner he sipped his wine and sat and watched her.

"Where's Wesley?" he finally asked.

"Oh, he's staying over at a friend's tonight" she replied. "We take it in turns, she is on her own as well. We help each other out."

"That's nice" he said as she passed him the salad to put on the table "it's good that you have a support network. It can't be easy with Jack away so much of the time."

"It's not," she said as she brought the plates to the table and they sat down, "but it is only for a few years and then we'll hopefully be able to be together. They are building a new class of starships that will allow families on board so hopefully as soon as I am fully qualified we'll be posted together."

They both began to eat and he poured more wine. They chatted comfortably about recent missions and her studies. Gradually the conversation turned to other subjects. She told him about her upbringing on Caldos and he spoke of his family in France.

It was getting dark outside and the low level lighting in the house began to lend an air of intimacy to their conversation. They finished eating and moved across to the sofa. Beverly lit the fire. It didn't give out any heat as it was just for effect, but the flames were beautiful to watch as they danced making shadows on the ceiling. They sat in comfortable silence watching the flames.

The wine must have lowered his inhibitions he told himself afterwards or he would never have reached out and touched her, making her turn to him with a questioning look in her eyes. He reached out with his other hand and gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. Then he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers.

As they parted she looked down and he knew that he had over stepped the mark. He stood up and made to move away.

"Beverly, I'm sorry I should never have…"

But before he could finish she reached out and took his hand. She looked up at him and the firelight caught her hair picking out the red and gold and before he could turn away she said,

"Jean Luc, please don't go. You don't have to leave."

He looked at her then and saw her smile.

She stood up and moved closer to him. Taking his other hand she leaned in and whispered,

"I'd like you to stay."

With that he was undone. All thoughts of loyalty to his friend gone, he took her in his arms and kissed her. Not gently, not reverently, not innocently but with a raw passion and intensity that left them both breathless. Then they kissed again and he whirled her round and pushed her against the wall knocking over the lamp on the table and stumbling to keep hold of her.

The crash seemed to bring them both to their senses for a few seconds, long enough to break the moment, and he knew that whatever he wanted he couldn't do this to her. He closed his eyes and drew away from her. She bit her lip and looked at him and then she bent down to pick up the lamp. Turning she put it on the table. When she turned around she saw that he was putting the glasses and the wine bottle back on the kitchen counter and she knew that it was time for him to leave.

She walked across the room to him and taking his hand in hers she said,

"Take care of yourself out there won't you? And tell Jack," she paused before taking a deep breath and said, "tell him I love him and to come home safe."

He nodded and opening the door he walked out. As it closed Beverly sank to the floor and wept.


	2. Chapter 2

Beverly and Jean Luc did not see each other again until the terrible day he brought her husband's body home. He had accompanied her to the mortuary to see Jack. He had tried to persuade her not to go, tried to tell her that it was better to remember the way he had been in life and not the empty shell that was left. But she had insisted. It was as if without seeing him she could not accept that he was really gone.

Afterwards Jean Luc had taken her home. He had stayed with her and Wesley helping her to explain to the child what had happened to his father and remaining by her side as she made the arrangements for the funeral.

Every evening he took his leave and went back to the cold and sterile quarters at the officer's mess, leaving her alone to grieve. She had asked him to stay and sleep on her sofa but each time he had politely declined. They both knew why. Even with Wesley in the house there was the chance that in their grief they would turn to each other and do something they might later both regret.

The day of the funeral came. Beverly endured it bravely. Stood among Starfleet's finest officers, holding tightly onto Wesley's hand, she said goodbye to her husband. Afterwards Jean Luc slipped away unable to control his guilt and his grief any longer or witness the pain and suffering he felt he had caused. He went for a long walk and then returned to his quarters where he planned to drink himself into a dull stupor so that he could sleep. He would return to his ship tomorrow and leave Earth as soon as possible on a long mission into deep space, where he would try not to think about the woman he loved but knew he could never have.

He was sitting drinking when there was a quiet knock on his door. He didn't get up to answer. He wanted to be left alone. However the person on the other side was insistent, knocking again and again, until finally he gave in and opened the door.

There she was, still in the dress she had worn to the funeral, standing nervously in the corridor. He stood aside and let her pass. As he closed the door and turned to her she looked at the bottle in his hand and said,

"I hope you have a glass."

He shook his head and replied "Sorry, my quarters are rather spartan I'm afraid"

"Never mind, just give me the bottle."

He passed it to her and lifting it she took a swig. The liquid burned as she swallowed and she closed her eyes and winced before taking another mouthful and passing the bottle back to him.

He walked past her then and sat down on the sofa, the bottle between his legs. He leaned back and putting his head against the sofa he closed his eyes.

Beverly took off her jacket and put it on the back of the chair and sat down beside him. She put her head against his shoulder and sighed.

"Where were you afterwards? I couldn't find you."

"I'm sorry Beverly, I couldn't face it. I went for a walk."

There was silence then.

Jean Luc took another swig from the bottle and offered it to her. She sat up and shook her head. She bent down to remove her shoes and then turning to him she said,

"Will you hold me Jean Luc, just hold me."

He quietly nodded and held out is arm and she snuggled up against him with her knees tucked in against his thighs and her head on his shoulder. He felt as she relaxed against him. Her breathing slowed and he realised she had gone to sleep.

Later she awoke to find herself lying on the sofa covered in a blanket. In the dimly lit room she could see him sitting in the chair reading, a cup of coffee on the table beside him. As she sat up he looked across at her and smiled.

"Hey there sleepy head" he said "don't get up to quickly. You've been asleep awhile"

"How long?" she asked.

"Oh a few hours, it's nearly 1."

A panicked look crossed her face.

"Wesley," she said trying to stand "I have to get back."

He stood up then and crossed to her quickly and putting his hands on her shoulders he said,

"Wesley is fine. I spoke to Walker at the house, he asked Jack's parents to keep him overnight. I guess he knew that you would need some time when you didn't return from your walk."

She closed her eyes then and breathing a sigh of relief sat back down and he saw her shoulders begin to shake and for the first time since he had brought Jack's body home he saw her cry.

He sat down next to her and putting his arm around her he held her close. Turning to him she held him tightly as she sobbed.

He stroked her back and murmured her name and gradually the sobbing began to stop and her breathing to slow. He lifted her head and pushing the hair out of her face he stroked her cheeks to dry the tears.

"Beverly," he whispered "my love."

She opened her eyes then and looked at him and with that he leaned in and kissed her. She didn't stop him. Her arms encircled his neck and she leaned into him opening her mouth to allow his tongue to meet hers. Without stopping they stood up and then parting briefly he bent slightly and picked her up and carried her to the bed.

He set her down and she pulled him closer and whispered,

"Say it again Jean Luc."

He looked deeply into her eyes and said "My love, my heart, my desire," and taking her in his arms he kissed her again.

Her hands moved to the zip at the side of her dress and she undid it. He pushed the sleeves down her shoulders and the dress fell to the floor in a pool at her feet. Her hands were already at his waist deftly unfastening the clasp and pushing his pants down his hips. As he stepped out of them she pulled him towards her pushing her hips against him and moving her hand between them to stroke him.

He undid her bra to free her breasts and bent to take her nipple in his mouth swirling his tongue around it and squeezing the other breast in his hand. She leaned back a little and moved her hand to the back of his head to hold him closer. Her other hand began to push down her underpants and once she was free she lifted her leg to rest against the side of the bed. He moved his hand down from her breast to touch her, feeling gently for her nub, he moved his fingers expertly. He felt as she shuddered against him in anticipation and letting go of her breast he lowered her to the bed. He removed his shirt and paused to look at her. She smiled and leaned back to watch him, propped up on her elbows as he knelt before her and took her in his mouth, licking and sucking and probing with his tongue. He felt as she lifted one leg and laid it across his back and when he glanced up he saw that her eyes were closed and she was lost in the sensations he was creating in her body.

As he slid first one and then two fingers inside her he felt her begin to rock against him and he moved back up her body, first to kiss her breasts and then finally her mouth, all the time moving his fingers in and out until he knew she was on the very brink. Then he whispered,

"Open your eyes Beverly. Open your eyes and look at me."

She opened them and gently he slipped inside her. She closed around him and he rolled them onto their sides. They were still for a moment. Then foreheads touching and eyes open, looking at each other, they began to move in unison. Each one in time with the others rhythm they spiralled up towards oblivion as first she climaxed and he quickly followed.

He collapsed against her then and she held him to her as he sobbed. He cried for his dead friend, for Beverly and for her son but most of all for himself. He fell asleep and when he awoke later she was gone. On the pillow was a note, it read

"Thank you Jean Luc, for last night. It was wonderful, you were wonderful. Don't come by the house again before you leave. I need time work out what I feel for you and time to grieve for Jack who I loved very much. When I'm ready I will come to you, where ever you are. Beverly"

He sighed and folded up the note slipping it inside his book on the bedside table. Getting up he began to pack his things to return to The Stargazer. It would be ten years until he heard from or saw Beverly again.


	3. Chapter 3

Beverly had a lot of time to think while she was sitting in the cave. The Ansata needed her skills as a doctor and she had been dealing with their sick and dying for several days. But the nights were long and she was alone. In the dark she lay and thought about her son and her friends and the life she had on board The Enterprise, but mostly she thought about him. She regretted the things she had left unsaid.

When she had first accepted the commission on The Enterprise she'd had no expectations that they would simply pick up where they had left off. She had never regretted what had happened between them that night but she had a feeling that Jean Luc probably did. Her fears were confirmed at their first meeting on the Bridge. He had seemed shocked to see her even though he must have known that she was on board. They had not had any contact for ten years and it took a while for them to renew their friendship.

Beverly wondered if he remembered the note she had left him.

"When I am ready I will come to you, where ever you are."

It was clear right from the start that the old attraction was still there and yet nothing she did seemed to break through the wall that he had built around himself. She had given it a year and then convinced that he no longer wanted her she had accepted an offer at Starfleet Medical.

It had been an enjoyable year. She loved the work and she liked the stability of life on Earth but she missed her son and her friends on board The Enterprise. Most of all she missed him. When the chance had come to return she had grabbed it with both hands and accepted that whatever role she had to play in Jean Luc's life it was enough just to be near him. So she had come back and they had renewed their relationship which was somehow more than friendship and yet less than lovers.

Stuck down here in this cave though she had begun to regret the many things she had left unsaid. If she was going to die he at least deserved to know how she felt about him.

Beverly had loved her husband very much and she had mourned his passing deeply. If it had not been for Wesley she would never have made it through the other side. However she was in no doubt that she also loved Jean Luc Picard and that she had loved him before her husband died. She was convinced that her almost inconsolable grief after Jack's death was somehow linked to the guilt she had felt about her feelings for his commanding officer. After ten years and much soul searching she had finally emerged and put the grief and guilt behind her. She was ready to start again. It had been clear the first time she had met Jean Luc again on The Enterprise that he had not come terms with either his grief or his guilt. If she was going to die on this planet then she wanted him to know that she did not and had never held him responsible for Jack's death. She also wanted to finally tell him that she loved him and that she had never regretted the one night that they had spent together in each other's arms.

Down here in the dark of the cave she was convinced that she would never have that chance.

The following day, although in reality she had no idea whether it was day or night, she completed her round of the sick and dying. She was trying very hard to control her emotions and not give into the terror she felt. An hour or so before she had begged Finn not to destroy The Enterprise not least because her son was on board. She had even gone so far as to offer herself to him and not just as a doctor to treat the sick and wounded, but as whatever he wanted. She knew he desired her. He had been watching her closely for the past few days and the sketches that she had seen confirmed that he was developing some feelings for her. She would have done anything in that moment to save her son and Jean Luc. He had walked away from her though saying that it was too late to stop the attack.

She was shaken out of her despair as she rounded the corner and saw him sitting on the bed in the cave, his hands and feet bound. She stopped and stared at him and her heart flipped a little. He was alive and he was here and though they were far from safe it was enough.

"Jean Luc" she finally whispered.

"Beverly" he replied with relief in his eyes.

"You're alive. They didn't destroy the ship?"

"No but they left several wounded and dead on the Bridge"

"Was Wesley on the Bridge?"

"He was, but Worf shielded him. He was alright when I last saw him."

He saw the relief in her eyes as she moved towards him.

"Are you injured?" she asked beginning to check him over.

"No, just a few bruises. What about you? Have they hurt you?"

"I'm fine. They needed a doctor."

She sat down beside him.

He lectured her then. He reprimanded her for disobeying orders, he argued with her that she should not see the Ansata as anything more than terrorists, he pointed out that they had tried to kill her son. When Finn walked in they were arguing.

Later she would remember that she had tried to tell Jean Luc how she felt about him but they were interrupted by their rescuers. Once back on board The Enterprise it seemed that the moment had past and they resumed their dance around each other.

One afternoon out of the blue he walked into her office and asked her to dinner. They often met for dinner but it was usually in Ten Forward. This time he took her by surprise and said,

"Would you mind if we ate in my quarters?"

Beverly wondered what Jean Luc was planning as she dressed that evening. As she set off for his quarters there were butterflies in her stomach. She had to stop several times on the way to calm herself.

"For heaven's sake Beverly," she said to herself as she entered the turbo lift "it's just dinner with Jean Luc, get a grip of yourself."

By the time she reached his quarters she had just about managed to regain control. Then the door opened and he stood there in an olive shirt and black pants that hugged his body in all the right places and she was undone. When he smiled at her and said her name she felt weak at the knees.


	4. Chapter 4

There was something different about Jean Luc that night. Beverly couldn't quite pinpoint what it was but he seemed different somehow. Jean Luc had always been an attractive man but she didn't think she had ever seen him be quite so charming and debonair before, or at least the full force of it had never been directed at her. He had always been courteous and attentive but never as urbane as he appeared this evening. She wasn't going to complain about it, but it was different.

As she stared across the table at him she noticed how he played with the stem of his wine glass, twirling it between his fingers. A couple of times during dinner she had caught him watching her and if she didn't know him better she would have thought that he was mentally undressing her.

Finally she could stand it no longer.

"Out with it Jean Luc. You've been staring at me all evening. What's on your mind?"

"Oh it's nothing. I have just been thinking lately about choices," he paused. "The choices we've made."

"We've both made choices Jean Luc" she said sitting back.

"Yes, but sometimes I wonder if they have been the right ones. Perhaps we have allowed ourselves to become too isolated."

She looked at him then. Was he about to open up to her she wondered? Were they finally going to talk openly about what was going on between them?

She looked down and swallowed before replying,

"Our positions necessitate a degree of isolation."

"But perhaps we have let that get in the way of things. Perhaps it has prevented us from getting closer."

She didn't respond straight away. Finally, not quite daring to look at him directly she responded,

"Is that what you want Jean Luc, to get closer?"

He stood then and walked over to the consul. Pressing a button he turned to her as the music started and holding out his hand he said,

"Dance with me."

"I thought you didn't dance," she said turning in her seat.

"Only on special occasions" he replied smiling.

As she stood she felt his arms pull her closer and they started to sway and turn in time to the music. Beverly was conscious of his body pressing against hers. She moved a little closer until they were almost cheek to cheek. His hand moved from her shoulder down her body to her waist whilst the one holding hers moved inwards until it was resting between them. Slowly their swaying stopped and she moved her head to look at him. She was no longer conscious of the music or even the room they were standing in. As she looked into his eyes all she knew was that she wanted him to kiss her more than anything in her entire life. Then it happened. He moved in towards her, their lips touched and she wrapped her arms about him pulling him to her.

She was vaguely aware of the rush of blood in her ears and the rapid beating of her heart as they parted. She felt a little dizzy and swayed as he released her to take her hand pulling her gently towards the sofa. Both were quiet for a minute and then she turned to him and said,

"Do you remember that night Jean Luc, after Jack's funeral?"

He looked at her and nodded.

"I'm sorry," she continued "I'm sorry that I left the way I did. I wasn't ready you see. I knew that you wanted me and that you were maybe even in love with me. I wanted you too and if truth be told I was a little in love with you but I wasn't ready."

Jean Luc didn't look at her, but he reached out and took her hand in his.

"I was so happy that night to have you in my arms but afterwards I felt even guiltier than I had before, if that was possible. I knew that what I was doing was wrong. There you were mourning your husband and all I wanted was to make love to you and make you forget him. I wanted to hear you cry out my name, not his."

His eyes were fixed on their hands as he spoke. She let go of him and reached up to put both her hands on his face. Holding it gently she looked into his eyes and whispered "Look at me Jean Luc."

As he focussed on her she tried to convey through her eyes all that she felt for this gentle, wonderful man and said,

"I wrote in my note that night that I would come to you when I was ready, where ever you were. I'm ready now, if you will have me."

She gently kissed him again and felt him smile against her lips and he pulled her towards him lifting her slightly so that she was on his knee. He pushed her hair back from her neck and she felt his hand caressing her. Slowly his lips moved from her mouth to her neck and then to her ear where he whispered the words she had heard that night so very long ago,

"Beverly, my love, my heart, my desire."

She whispered back "I love you Jean Luc, you are my soul, my dearest love and I cannot live another day without you in my arms."

With that he pushed her up and kissing her again he twirled her round slowly in the direction of the bedroom. As they kissed and turned they began to gently undress each other. Her earrings went first to be followed by her dress which he lifted up and over her head. His shirt followed and they both paused at the foot of the bed to remove their shoes. He pulled her to him again as she began to undo the clasp of his trousers and he pushed her leggings down. They both kicked the garments away and then paused to look at each other. Then smiling they lowered themselves to the bed and laid down.

For a few seconds there was calm. He very gently stroked her chest, brushing over her breasts as she moved her hand across his stomach. Then looking at him she whispered,

"Whatever you want, Jean Luc, I'm yours. I won't break."

With that he pulled her to him and rolled her over. The kissing became more urgent as he pushed his tongue against her lips until she opened and granted him admittance. His hands moved to her breasts and then down and behind her to grip her backside and pull it towards him. She could feel him against her and she opened her legs wrapping them round his hips and rubbing herself against him.

He let go of her then and moving his hands up he took hold of hers and moved her arms above her head. As he did so he began to nuzzle her breasts. One hand slipped behind her back and as she arched a little he expertly undid the clasp of her bra and removed it to free her breasts. Taking first one nipple and then the other in his mouth he swirled his tongue around each until they hardened. His hands moved down as he continued to suckle and pushed down her pants. She moved her legs from around his waist to help him free her legs. His head lifted and he paused to look at her.

"My god, Beverly," he breathed "you are beautiful."

Then he captured her lips again and very deftly rolled over to pull her on top of him. She straddled him and sat up, a mischievous grin on her face. She moved back a little and lifting herself up she pulled down his shorts to free him. She moved down his legs to remove them and as she moved back up she took him in her mouth and felt him harden even more at her touch. Gently but firmly she moved up and down, her tongue moving along the underside of his member. He moved his hand down to stroke her head and she heard him sigh and then say her name.

As she released him she smiled at him and moved back up to straddle him again. He opened his eyes and sitting up he kissed her and pulled her close. She lifted herself up slightly and felt his hand move under her and then touch her, parting her folds and rubbing gently back and forwards. He began to nuzzle her breasts again and she reached behind her and took him in her hand, moving up and down in time with his gentle stroking. She felt as he inserted first one, then two fingers and when his thumb touched her nub, she melted. As he continued to move in and out of her she pushed down onto his fingers and tightened around him.

He stopped then and moved her, pushing her to the side and over onto her back. Lifting her legs up and bending between them he took her in his mouth and she exploded, her orgasm crashing over her in waves. She felt him stop then and move up her body. As she opened her eyes she looked up and saw him poised above her. She looked down to watch as he entered her and felt as she closed around him. As he pulled out and then pushed deeper into her she cried out his name.

Arms straightened above her he moved in and out and she met every thrust titling her pelvis up to meet him and wrapping her legs around his hips to pull him down towards her. She spiralled up and up to meet him and as he paused and stiffened and came deep inside her she felt another orgasm rock her body and he collapsed on top of her. She held onto him and didn't let go as he rolled over taking her with him.

When he opened his eyes she smiled at him and he chuckled.

"Was it worth the wait?" she asked.

He grinned at her then.

"Yes," he replied "but let's not wait another 12 years this time."

They both laughed then and he pulled her to him and kissed her again. Pulling out of her he turned onto his back and she nestled up to him. Putting his arm around her he sighed and then said,

"Beverly, if I go to sleep now, will you still be here when I wake up?"

She pushed herself up on her elbow and turned to look at him.

"I don't intend on going anywhere my Captain, you are stuck with me now."

She laid back down against him and he pulled her closer.

"I love you Beverly," he said

"I love you too Jean Luc. Now go to sleep, I'll still be here in the morning."

As his breathing gradually deepened and his arm relaxed, she stroked his chest and closed her eyes and went to sleep content and satisfied for the first time in years.


	5. Chapter 5

When she awoke an hour or so later he was still asleep with his arm slung across her. Carefully she lifted it and moved away from him towards the edge of the bed. Standing she walked across to his drawers and quietly opened one. She slipped on one of his shirts and walked across to the replicator to get a glass of water. Taking it to the viewport she stood gazing out at the stars and took a sip.

A few minutes past and she heard him stir. She didn't turn round but sensed him move across the room to her. His arms encircled her waist and he pulled her to him and nuzzled her neck. She tilted her head a little to allow him better access and felt as he teased her skin with kisses. His hand took the glass from her and he turned to put it on the table next to the chair.

Returning to her, his hands moved slowly to down her body to the hem of his shirt. He lifted it and she felt as he moved across the top of her legs and she parted them a little. His fingers began to probe, gently at first and then as she leaned back against him and he took her weight, they became more insistent. Her arousal grew as she became increasingly slick and wet under his ministrations and she was swollen with the need for him to touch her clitoris but he resisted avoiding it with each stroke.

Suddenly he let go of her and pushed her forwards, bending her at the waist. She braced herself against the viewport, hands on the glass with her fingers splayed out, and felt him move behind her. She all but exploded when his mouth made contact with her and his tongue flicked across her clitoris and then up the length of her to probe inside her opening and back out again. He repeated this several times and as the orgasm crashed through her body in waves she pressed her hands against the glass and pushed back against his face.

Then while she was still floating on the aftermath he took her from behind and she felt his erection thrust into her and withdraw slowly almost fully then thrust into her again. Heat spread up her body and she thought she might faint as he increased his rhythm holding her hips and pulling her back to meet him. As he continued to thrust into her he moved his hand in front and when he touched her clitoris again she thought that she would shatter. She felt him climax deep inside her as he said her name and both fell to their knees as she leaned back against him.

They were silent for a few minutes and then she patted his hand and turning slightly to him she said,

"Jean Luc, I really should go back to my own quarters. It wouldn't do for me to be seen returning to them tomorrow morning not in uniform. I think I'd like to keep things between ourselves for a bit if that is alright with you."

He nodded in agreement and pecked her lips before letting her go and standing up. He held out his hand to help her up and then watched as she dressed. They kissed tenderly at the door.

"Thank you Jean Luc," she said "thank you for tonight. I'll see you in the morning."

"It was my pleasure Beverly," he replied smiling before kissing her again and pressing the consul to open the doors.

She stepped out and turned around to wave at him as the doors slid shut. Then, with a bit of spring in her step, she made her way back to her own quarters.

She had a busy morning the following day so it was almost lunch time when she headed towards the Bridge. She was a little nervous about seeing him today. Last night had been incredible. She had never dreamed that she and Jean Luc were capable of such raw passion. Finally they had spoken of their love for each other and she felt hopeful that they were on the brink of something new and wonderful.

As the turbo lift doors opened she saw Jean Luc stood with Riker on the Bridge. They turned to her as she entered,

"Ah, Doctor" she heard him say as he moved towards his chair and sat down.

She walked down the slope smiling at him "Captain" she said smirking.

He gave her a quizzical look and she looked away trying not to laugh.

He gave the order "Engage!" and then looked at her again.

"Doctor, is there something amusing you?"

Riker spoke up then. "Perhaps Beverly should check you over in sickbay Captain just to make sure that everything is alright following your adventure."

"What adventure would that be?" asked Beverly, a questioning look on her face.

"Well" responded Riker "it seems that we've had an imposter living among us for the past few days impersonating our captain."

Beverly swallowed hard and a horrified look passed across her face. She felt a rush of blood to her ears and her cheeks began to heat up. Looking down quickly she said,

"If you don't mind I'd like to be excused. If you go to sick bay Captain one of my colleagues will perform a diagnostic and full physical on you."

With that she turned on her heel and walked up the slope and into the turbo lift where she hoped the floor would quickly open up and swallow her.


	6. Chapter 6

For the next few weeks Beverly distanced herself from Jean Luc. She was sure that he was aware that she was avoiding him. She stayed in her quarters when she was not on duty and rarely saw him outside of senior staff meetings and visits to the Bridge. He had asked her to dinner a couple of times in Ten Forward and she had politely declined using one excuse or another. She knew he was confused as he clearly could have no idea why she was upset and she wasn't about to tell him.

For his part Jean Luc was certain that Beverly's behaviour was the result of something that had happened when his doppelgänger was on board the ship. Despite their close friendship however, he would never ask her what had happened. He would just wait for the storm to pass and then resume course when she was ready. That was how it had always been with them and this time would be no different. As the weeks passed though he missed their cosy chats and occasional meals together. He hoped that she would resolve whatever difficulties she was having soon and they would pick up where they had left off before his kidnap and imprisonment.

Life on board The Enterprise went on as usual. It was always busy but with Ambassador Sarek and his wife on board it was busier than usual. It seemed that their important guest was not himself and his wife had confided in Jean Luc that she was not certain he was up to the task of the negotiations with the Legaran delegation. It seemed that the only option was an attempt at a mind meld with someone of sound mind. Jean Luc had volunteered to help and was waiting now in his quarters for Sarek to arrive.

The chimes rang out and when the doors opened he was surprised to see Beverly standing there, tricorder in hand.

"I thought I would stay with you to monitor things" she explained, "I don't think you should be on your own."

He smiled and nodded at her, a look of relief on his face. Truth be told he was not looking forward to the next few hours and would be glad of her company.

Sarek arrived and the ancient Vulcan ritual began. Once it concluded the ambassador departed Jean Luc's quarters, his mind quiet and focussed, leaving Jean Luc was alone with Beverly.

She sat down across from him and watched him carefully. She could tell he was in a highly agitated and emotional state. His usual calm demeanour was gone and in its place sat a man at war with himself. He shouted out in anger, speaking of the turmoil within his mind. When his thoughts turned to Sarek's wives and his son however a look of true anguish crossed his face and he broke down. Occasionally he was able to break free of Sarek and speak to her as Jean Luc. He told her how difficult it was to feel the pain of Sarek's regrets and when he sobbed she held him in her arms and rocked him.

His head was on her shoulder and her hands were cradling his head. Jean Luc's heightened senses began to get the better of him. As she held him he could feel a powerful arousal begin to take hold of him. He was acutely aware of her body touching his and her arms around him. He moved his head slightly till they were cheek to cheek and when she took hold of his face to look into his eyes he thought that he would drown in the sensation. She was so close to him. He leaned forward and their lips touched.

He wanted to show her such tenderness but the need in him was too much. He pulled her to him and heard her gasp as his kisses became more forceful. He moved from the chair onto the floor pushing her backwards with his body. His hands moved to the fastenings on her uniform to start to remove it. He had no thought in his head except that he wanted her, he had always wanted her and he must have her or he would die.

She began to push against him and as she pulled her head away from him she said his name loudly breaking through the heat that filled his brain and he stopped. He let go of her and knelt back on his heels, his hands falling to his sides and a look of horror on his face.

"Beverly" he gasped, "I'm so sorry."

Straightening her uniform she stood up and holding out her hand she helped him stand. She led him quietly over to the bed and sitting him down she knelt to remove his shoes.

"Lie down, Jean Luc" she said, "lie down and try to rest."

He laid back on the bed and closed his eyes. She sat down on a chair close by and waited for him to sleep.

An hour or so later Sarek came back and the mind meld was reversed. When he awoke later Jean Luc felt that his equilibrium had returned and he was once more in control of his mind and emotions. But when he looked across the room at Beverly he was filled with remorse for his actions. She came across to help him up and when he stood he looked at her and said.

"I have no words to adequately express my shame and embarrassment for my behaviour. Please forgive me Beverly."

She smiled at him gently,

"No apology is necessary Jean Luc, you were not yourself."

He smiled at her then and took her hand.

"Thank you, that is more than I deserve" he replied.

Then she did something unexpected. She leaned forward and very gently kissed him on the lips. As she moved back again she said,

"If you ever touch me like that again Jean Luc I want you to be in control of what you are doing and I wouldn't want you to have any regrets."

With that she turned and picked up her tricorder.

"Have something to eat and rest some more. I will check in on you later."

As she walked towards the door she heard him sit down and sigh as he laid back. She paused and heard him say,

"I do not deserve you Beverly Crusher."

Smiling, she left to go see the ambassador.


	7. Chapter 7

For days afterwards Jean Luc was haunted by the thoughts he had experienced whilst his mind was joined to that of Sarek. The man had such regrets. His Vulcan upbringing and culture had prevented him from ever showing those around him how he truly felt. Jean Luc was astute enough to recognise the same stoicism in his own dealings with those close to him. For many years he had guarded his feelings, burying his emotions deep within himself and rarely allowing others to glimpse them. But that night in his quarters she had kissed him and made that curious comment and he couldn't now get it out of his mind. Was it possible that after all these years she was trying to tell him that she was ready?

He was just ruminating on these thoughts in his quarters one evening when he heard her voice on his communicator.

"Jean Luc, are you busy?"

Startled, he answered "No, why?"

"Oh it's nothing, but I'm in Ten Forward and I wondered if you wanted to join me for a drink."

He didn't answer straight away.

"Jean Luc, are you still there?" he heard her ask.

"Yes," he finally said "but why don't you come to my quarters instead. I have a bottle of single malt if that will tempt you."

"On my way," he heard her say and she was gone.

Ten minutes later there was a chime at his door.

"Come," he said and when the doors slid open she walked in making her way across the room to him. Sitting down she picked up the glass of whiskey he had poured for her and took a sip. Then slipping off her shoes she lifted her legs and curling them under her she turned to him and smiled.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Oh better now, the effects of the mind meld seem to have worn off."

"Good," she said taking another sip of her drink. "It was quite an ordeal."

For a few minutes neither said anything. Finally he spoke.

"The experience has made me think about things, things in my own life."

"Oh?" she said leaning forward putting her drink down.

"Yes," he replied. "Sarek was haunted by things he had left unsaid to those closest to him."

"Well, we all have regrets Jean Luc and painful memories."

He didn't respond straight away. He got up and poured himself another drink and walked to the window. Looking out at the stars he finally said,

"Do you ever think about that night?"

"Which night Jean Luc?"

He turned around then and fixed her with a stare,

"You know which night."

He walked back towards her then and perched on the edge of the sofa. Reaching out he touched her hand.

"I need to know Beverly."

She looked down at his hand holding hers and then she looked back up at him. He was looking at her so intensely and earnestly that she knew she had to give him an answer. Finally she smiled at him and leaning she kissed him gently and said,

"Of all the things I have done in my life that is one of the things I least regret."

Then she kissed him again. This time it was a lingering kiss full of promise. His hand moved to her shoulder and then to her neck and he pulled her back towards him.

When they parted he sighed and she leaned against his shoulder.

Neither spoke for a while, then he said very quietly,

"Beverly, there is something else I would like to ask you but please believe me whatever the answer it makes no difference, I just need to know something."

She sat up and looked at him and nodded.

"Did you sleep with him? The imposter? Did you let him make love to you?"

"Yes, yes I did," she answered. "But if it's any consolation Jean Luc, I thought it was you. Are you angry?"

He got up and picked up the glasses and put them on the counter before turning back to her and saying,

"No, I'm not angry. I am a little jealous of him though. I wish I had had the courage to seduce you months ago. I wish I had not waited ten years for you to get back in touch with me. I wish I had never let you leave to go to Starfleet Medical. I wish I had taken you on the desk in my Ready Room when we both had that damn virus. Most of all I wish that I had told you after Jack died how much I loved you, how much I still love you."

Beverly got up then and crossed the room to him.

"You have no idea how much I wish it had been you," she said quietly.

She took his hand, lifted it to her lips and kissed it. She held it to her heart and leaning in she whispered against his ear,

"My love, my heart, my desire, if you still want me then I am yours."

He swallowed recognising the words he had said to her so long ago. Her cheek was against his and he could feel her breath against his skin. His fingers reached up and stroked her face and he turned in, touching his lips to hers. Pulling her to him he very gently deepened the kiss. She responded to him, opening up to let his tongue slide in and pulled him closer. Their hips touched and his hands moved to her waist as he turned her so that her back was against the counter. His weight pushed her back a little and her arms moved up around the back of his neck where her hands caressed him gently. She began to undo the zip of his jacket and she leaned back a little to pull it down his arms. As he let go of her she took it and dropped it on the floor beside them. She straightened up so that he could undo her uniform and push it down her body to her waist.

He knelt down in front of her to remove her boots and she slid the trousers down stepping out of them. When he stood again her hands moved to his waist to undo his trousers and pull his shirt loose. She pushed it up and he lifted his arms so that she could remove it. His hands pushed his trousers down and he stepped free of them. Clad only in their underwear in the lowlight of his quarters they looked at each other and smiled. Then he took her hand and pulled her towards him. Taking her in his arms again he twirled her slowly across the room towards the bedroom. Once there he sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she finally removed what was left of her clothing and stood naked in front of him. He gazed at her in the starlight, breathless with need and desire.

She moved closer to him and kneeling down between his legs she leaned forward and kissed him again. Her hand stroked him and moved to his waist. As he lifted himself slightly she removed his shorts to free his erection. She dipped her head and took him in her mouth, her hand encircled his girth as he leaned back to watch. She moved slowly up and down his length twirling her tongue around the head and then back down. Her other hand squeezed him gently in time with her movements as he began to thrust a little. One of his hands moved to the back of her head to hold her and he thrust a little deeper and a little faster.

She slowed down then and stopped to move back up and kiss him. Then she stood up and pushed him back a little. He slid back on the bed and she followed him. Straddling him she leaned forward to kiss him and as he parted his lips she slid her tongue in and swirled it round. His hands moved between her legs and he parted her folds feeling how wet she was. Sliding his fingers her full length he broke off the kiss and moved his mouth to her breast. His tongue twirled around her nipple as it rose to a stiffened peak and he moved across to the other. His fingers were inside her now moving slowly in and out and she began to buck against him. She was close to orgasm but he stopped and putting his hands on her hips he kissed her mouth again.

When they parted she leaned back a little and smiled, then pushing him down she lifted her leg and moved off him. Turning around with her back to him she leaned forward and took him in her mouth again. As his hands moved to her backside she lifted herself a little and he saw her then glistening and pink in front of him. Leaning forward the tip of his tongue touched the nub of her clitoris and as he flicked back and forwards across it she arched her back and moved her head up and down taking him in her mouth. As he began to thrust slowly he inserted first one finger and then two inside her and as he continued to swirl his tongue against her she pushed back against him. He tasted her as she grew wetter and slicker.

He slowed his thrusting then and stopped. He knew that she was holding back her orgasm waiting for him. He pulled his legs back from under her and knelt behind her. Taking her hips he moved her, parting her legs a little more he very gently entered her then pulled back unsheathing himself almost completely before entering her again deeper and harder. He heard her moan and saw her bow her head down towards the bed as she arched her back and then sat back slightly to meet his thrust. She matched his rhythm perfectly as he moved faster in and out of her. His hand moved under her to touch her clitoris again and as he thrust harder and harder into her he felt her muscles grip him tightly and she cried out as she climaxed. He pulled her up then and back against him as he knelt back and continued to thrust into her finally tensing and releasing himself deep inside her.

He held her tightly for a few seconds as she rode out the aftermath of her own climax. She felt him begin to soften inside her and she moved slightly so that he could withdraw. Turning to him she smiled as they both fell back against the pillows. She kissed him again as they curled up against each other, his arm across her body, and her hand against his chest. Without saying anything to each other they both knew that finally they had closed the door on their past and could look forward to the future with no guilt and no regrets.


End file.
